All I Want (San Francisco Strikers Book 5) Read online

  “I don’t know,” she hedged. “My schedule’s been crazy, and I’ve only been here a few months.”

  “Sure you weren’t avoiding me?”

  She fiddled with the rim of her glass. Damn straight she’d avoided him. What was she supposed to say to the man she’d loved for so long and then bailed on?

  “Of course not. Just a crazy schedule. I was going to reach out when I was settled.” His eyes narrowed; even she didn’t believe her lies.

  “But you didn’t.”

  She hated what she heard in his voice. It was completely valid.

  “I’m sorry. I should’ve called you or asked to come to a game earlier in the season. But now we’re here, and I want us to be friends.”

  “Right, friends. So, how’s everything going? Seeing anyone?”

  She scoffed. “Ah, definitely not. Residency and all,” she said with a wave of her hand. She didn’t want to discuss her dating life, or his, for that matter.

  He got up and grabbed her hand. “Come on,” he said, guiding her toward a small table in the corner.

  She tamped down the nerves somersaulting through her belly when he linked his fingers through hers, pulling her to the empty table. She scolded herself for missing his touch when he dropped his hold so they could sit down. Her reaction tonight was one of the reasons she hadn’t wanted to see him again.

  He wasn’t single. She had no time for dating. And he wouldn’t want her after the way she’d left him.

  She continued repeating that mantra as a waitress dropped off another round of drinks she hadn’t realized he’d ordered.

  “So, catch me up on all things Maggie,” he said, eying her over his beer.

  She laughed. “I’m not sure where to start.”

  “Why San Francisco? Not that we don’t have top-notch hospitals here, and not that I want to believe you picked a hospital in the city where I live.”

  Was that hope in his eyes? No. Of course not.

  “Ego, much,” she teased, avoiding the question. “I applied to a bunch of hospitals across the country. I wanted something new, a change of location, and this is one of the best children’s hospitals in the country. When they offered me the position, I wasn’t going to say no.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re here. It’ll be nice to have an old friend from home out here.”

  “Yeah, me too,” she said, taking a sip of her beer.

  Friend. There was that word again. The word she’d asked for.

  A word she was beginning to hate, but she shouldn’t want what she couldn’t have.

  ***

  “You did not,” Maggie said, her cheeks sore from laughing an hour—and two drinks—later. She was still tucked away at the table with Alex. They’d caught each other up on the last four years, and god, she’d missed this. Him. Maybe they could do this. Be friends.

  “When the kids want you to dress like Olaf and have a Frozen singing contest, you do it,” he said, with a grin.

  “But you can’t sing. You’re bad, cats in heat crying bad.” She giggled.

  He leaned back, his hand on his chest. “You wound me, Mags. I’ll have you know that many people said my singing was memorable and unique.”

  “As in a memory they can’t unhear,” she said.

  “Very funny. Maybe we can have a repeat this week when we stop by to deliver presents. I’ll make sure to tell the kids you requested it.”

  She gasped. “No. I want them to like me.”

  He leaned across the table and tweaked a strand of her hair, giving it a soft tug that she felt down to her toes.

  Dammit.

  “I bet they love you. Who wouldn’t?”

  She sucked in a breath, willing the blush from her cheeks, as she met his gaze. His anger was gone, and she noticed the heat in his eyes. God, it’d been so long since he’d looked at her that way, since anyone had looked at her that way.

  Who was she kidding? It’d always only been him. She’d rarely dated while in med school, not that she’d had much time for that with her studies. But no one was ever going to be Alex, and she’d stupidly thrown him away.

  “Alex,” she started, her fingers barely touching his.

  “Alex, there you are,” a voice called from over Maggie’s shoulder, and she turned to see a stunning woman smiling at them.

  Maggie wrapped both hands around her glass, wishing she was anywhere but here.

  He might’ve said he was casually dating someone, but he was still dating someone, and she’d spent the last few hours flirting with him. She normally wasn’t a horrible person.

  But he’d flirted right back.

  Alex’s chair scraped the wood floor as he pushed back to stand, grabbing the chair before it fell over.

  “Sorry I’m late. Got held up at work. Great game, Alex,” the woman said, brushing a kiss across his cheek.

  His gaze darted between the woman and Maggie. Maggie didn’t miss the guilt in his expression.

  “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” the woman asked.

  “Ah, yes. Of course. Madison, this is Maggie,” Alex said, and Maggie wished she’d stayed home tonight.

  She wanted to be happy for him. He deserved to be happy. But all she could think about was his hand grazing hers when he handed her that last drink. How it’d felt when he’d hugged her tonight. Dammit. She needed to be over him.

  He’d moved on. She needed to be the bigger person.

  She held out her hand. “Hi, I’m Maggie, an old family friend of Alex’s; we grew up together.”

  “Hi. It’s nice to meet you,” Madison said.

  Her name fit her perfectly: statuesque and stunning. Her blonde hair held the perfect wave, and her makeup was subtle and impeccable. Maggie tucked a wayward brunette strand behind her ear, holding her smile in place.

  “Yes, we’ve known each other since we were kids. We were just catching up. Maggie started her residency at Children’s this summer. I still can’t believe she didn’t tell me she was moving here,” Alex said.

  She read the tightness in his brow that he tried to mask. Guilt rumbled in her belly. After the last hour, she’d thought they’d moved past that.

  “Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m sure you have all sorts of stories about him growing up,” Madison said, putting her hand on Alex’s chest.

  “Umm, yes. We’ve known each other forever. Grew up a street apart,” Maggie said, trying to ignore the way Madison leaned into Alex, looking like a perfect fit. Her light coloring was striking against Alex’s tan skin and dark hair.

  “What was he like in high school? I bet he got all the girls. It’s the quiet ones, you know,” Madison said, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

  And that was her cue to leave.

  “I should probably get going. It was nice meeting you Madison, and it was great to see you, Alex.”

  “Oh, are you sure?” Madison asked.

  “Yeah, sorry. Again, nice meeting you,” Maggie said, then ducked into the crowd before he could reply.

  She hated the jealousy that rolled through her. It was her own damn fault.

  Chapter 3

  What the hell just happened? As Alex watched Maggie blend into the crowd, he itched to call her back. The last hour had been perfect, like no time had passed, and as much as he wanted to stay angry for what transpired years ago, he understood her reasons. But they were in a different place now, even if she only wanted to be friends.

  “What was that about?” Madison asked.

  “What? Sorry,” he said, turning away from the crowd and focusing on Madison.

  “You’ve never looked at me the way you looked at your old friend,” Madison said. But there was humor in her voice, not outrage.

  “What?” He shook his head. “Sorry for that. You deserve better. Yes, she’s an old girlfriend.”

  “From the way you were looking at her, I’d say she was the girlfriend.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Remember that night three years ago? Your se
ason ended early and we went out for drinks. You got bombed, and I heard all about the girlfriend.”

  He took a long pull of his beer. “Vaguely.” He wished he didn’t remember that night.

  “You’re great, you know that?”

  “I know,” she said, her smile wide.

  “And I’m an ass.”

  “Nah. We only went on a few dates recently. Totally casual. Besides, I get it. I have one, too.” A soft smile teased the edge of her lips.

  “You had a girlfriend? Do tell,” he said.

  She swatted his shoulder. “No. Get your mind out of the gutter.” She shook her head. “Always the quiet ones. No. I had the guy. It was a long time ago.”

  “Ah, Mads, he’s an idiot.” How had he not realized how much Mads sounded like Mags?

  “Actually, I was the idiot. But it doesn’t matter. I get it. This was just fun and casual.”

  “It’s not like that. Maggie wants to be friends.”

  “Sure, she does,” Madison said with a laugh. “The daggers she was shooting at me sure looked friendly.”

  Excitement at her words rolled through him.

  “Look how happy you are thinking she was jealous.”

  “Hey. That’s not true.”

  “You’re full of shit, you know that? Now, get me a drink and tell me all about running into her again.”

  “Are you sure?” He couldn’t believe how easygoing she was being about everything.

  “Yes, we are friends first, Alex. I was really only dating you for Cup tickets if you make it to the final this season.”

  He chuckled. “The truth comes out. I’ll get you tickets any time you want.”

  “Yes, now get me that drink. I had a rough day and I want to hear all about your reunion with Maggie. Unless you want to run after her now?”

  While that sounded like an excellent plan, he was already going to see her tomorrow and he owed Madison a drink for being so insanely awesome.

  “Whoever your guy was, no matter what happened, he never should’ve let you go.”

  “No. It wouldn’t have worked in the long run.”

  He hated how sad she looked as he squeezed her shoulder and led her to the bar.

  “You’re the best, Mads.”

  “I know,” she said, her usual smile back in place.

  Tomorrow he’d fight for Maggie. He had no plans for them to just be friends.

  ***

  “Ready?” Alex asked Monday morning as he straightened his antlers. He’d left the Olaf costume at home. Over half of the team had shown up with gifts they’d purchased last week, ready to see the kids and pass out presents. He loved that so many of the guys wanted to help, even if they grumbled about costumes and itchy wigs.

  Alex had kept it simple this year. Elf ears and shoes or antlers and red noses. Of course, Santa was also around. Harty had stepped up for that role this year.

  “Definitely,” Finn called out. “Sophia’s mom even made us cookies,” the defenseman said, holding up a platter.

  “Yeah, stop eating them all,” Sully muttered, grabbing the plate.

  “I only had a few.”

  Alex greatly appreciated his teammates’ antics this morning. They helped him forget how nervous he was to see Maggie today. Hopefully, she was working, or he’d have to bribe one of her co-workers for her address because he was done waiting to talk to her.

  He’d stayed at the bar for another drink with Madison. She’d gotten everything out of him and then shoved him in a cab, demanding an update as soon as he’d talked to Maggie.

  Now he was as nervous as he was the first time he’d asked her out when they’d been sophomores in high school. Damn, even his palms were clammy. He needed to rein this shit in.

  “Rudolph, you coming?” Harty asked, straightening his white beard.

  “Don’t let the red nose fool you, I’m really Dasher,” Alex said with a grin.

  “Keep telling yourself that, buddy. Now let’s go see that doctor.”

  Alex halted. “What are you talking about?”

  “A little bird told me that you have a past with one of the new doctors.”

  “Jake needs to shut up. We used to date. It was a long time ago. She wants to be friends now.”

  “And what do you want?”

  “To not talk about it now because we have presents to pass out and kids to cheer up.”

  “You don’t say,” Harty said, tapping his expanded belly and giving his best Santa chuckle.

  Alex shook his head and followed the rest of the guys into the hospital.

  Wearing their jerseys, elf ears, and antlers drew a lot of attention, which would spoil the surprise, so Alex always organized for one of the hospital administrators to let them in a back entrance when they came as a big group to visit the kids.

  “Well, don’t you guys look festive,” Ellen, the rep from Child Life said as she led them down the hall on the oncology floor. “The kids are going to be so excited.”

  “That’s why we’re here,” Alex said as he looked around, hoping to spot Maggie. She wasn’t going to avoid him anymore.

  He was going to be at the hospital today. Any minute he was going to walk down the hall or around the corner. She wasn’t ready. She’d spent way too much time today on her hair and makeup, knowing she would see him. Not caked on club makeup, but the kind of subtle that took longer than it should to look like she had almost nothing on.

  She was still a doctor, after all.

  And a nervous ball of energy. Her third cup of coffee had only made the butterflies in her belly extra jittery.

  He had a girlfriend. A nice girlfriend, she reminded herself. Alex deserved to find happiness.

  “Dr. Terraza, Henry is back in his room. I’ve updated his file,” Callie said, and all thoughts of makeup and hair care, and Alex—and his girlfriend—faded away.

  She had a job to do.

  “Great. I have to look in on Camilla first. She just started that new clinical trial.” A trial that might’ve saved Grace. She bit the inside of her cheek. She had to focus on her patients, and on finding the best treatment course for each kid that came through the door. As much as she wished Grace were still here, these kids were, and focusing on the past wouldn’t help her be the best doctor she could be.

  She poked her head into Camilla’s room. Anna, Camilla’s mother, gave her a bright smile but Maggie saw the pain behind it.

  “How are we doing today?” Maggie asked, pulling up Camilla’s chart on her tablet.

  “Hi, Dr. Maggie. A little sore, and my tummy hurts,” Camilla said, rubbing her belly.

  “She’s even more tired with this new medication, and she doesn’t want to eat a lot,” Anna said, holding her daughter’s hand. She only had smiles for the little girl, but when Camilla looked away, there was fear in her mother’s gaze.

  “Tiredness is normal with this trial. You should take naps when you need them, but make sure you’re moving around every day and getting some exercise, even if it’s just walking down the hall here, or around your house when you get home. Your stomach pain should fade soon, but if you still feel this way in a few days, I want you to let me know.”

  “Do you think I will be back home for Christmas, Dr. Maggie?” Camilla asked.

  “Hopefully if all goes well, you’ll just be here for the week or two and then you’ll be home in plenty of time for Christmas,” Maggie said, lightly squeezing her hand.

  She finished up with Camilla and moved down the hall to check on the rest of her patients. She wished every kid in this hospital could go home for the holidays, and she would do everything she could to help them celebrate this year—and hopefully, many years to come—at home.

  “Westie brought Santa,” a child’s voice called out as Maggie made her way to the nurses’ station.

  “And Santa’s friends,” Ruth, one of the nurses whispered. “Who knew elf boots could be so hot.”

  “Right. Rudolph can jingle my bell any night he wants,” Dr. Avery Gordo
n said, wiggling her eyebrows for good measure.

  “But keep your hands off Westie. He belongs to Maggie,” Callie chimed in.

  “Wait. What?” Avery asked.

  “I’m never telling you anything,” Maggie bit out, but Callie just shrugged.

  “Spill. How do you know him?” Avery asked.

  “We grew up together and dated in high school. It’s no big deal. We’re just friends now,” she said, turning away from her gossipy co-workers. Her gaze crashed right into Alex, his smile broad, his lips full, and her mouth watered. Freaking watered.

  Yep, she definitely wasn’t on the nice list this year.

  “Yeah, friends,” Callie said. Maggie didn’t need to turn around to see her friend’s smirk. Brat.

  Alex stopped at the nurses’ station next to her, and she stiffened. His soft chuckle rolled over her. Bastard.

  He greeted every nurse and doctor individually, and it drove home how invested he was in his program.

  “The kids are excited. Someone let it slip that you were coming,” Callie said.

  “No problem,” Alex said before he turned to Maggie. “Dr. Terraza, did you want to join us?”

  “What? No. You guys have fun.”

  That gleam in his eyes was pure trouble. She broke eye contact with him before she could do anything she’d regret.

  Girlfriend.

  She moved away from him, skirting along the edge of the nurses’ station.

  “Look at all the presents,” a child’s voice cut through her thoughts, and she looked down the hall to see a few kids poking their heads out of their rooms. She’d seen the list of patients the guys planned to visit. It was almost the entire floor, barring the few kids that were too sick to see visitors. She could only imagine how many presents they had for all four floors.

  “You didn’t try to hide today, Mags,” Alex said, nudging her shoulder so she’d look at him again.

  She gasped. Crap. When had he sidled up next to her? “Don’t you have presents to give out?” she asked, pinching his side.

  “Hey, you know I’m ticklish there,” he said. That damn twinkle in his eyes needed to go the hell away.

  Now she was thinking about way too many tickle fights that had ended with her gasping on top of him and all of their clothes missing. She shook her head.